Why I Choose Metallica for the Super Bowl Halftime Show - It May Surprise You!

One of the joys I get out of life is discussing television shows, movies, and music with my niece.  I explain my favorites in intricate detail, and she looks at me with a concerning expression, as if the senior assisted-living home she imagines putting me in is closer than I think.

Look, I know I am old now.  Heck, I was born old.  Got it.  I do not understand “today’s with-it stuff.” And that is probably a good thing.  At least, as far as music is concerned.

A big topic of conversation for the two of us is who should play the Super Bowl Halftime Show this year.  Normally, my niece would not bother; however, for most of the year, the two most talked-about entertainers for the position had a big advocate in my niece.  Number One: Taylor Swift.  To her, it just made sense.  Swift is the biggest performer out there.  She’s already attached to the National Football League (NFL) by dating, and now being engaged to, one of the sport’s most visible players: Travis Kelce. 

The other rumored act was the metal band Metallica.  Now, I am, of course, biased in that I LIKE Metallica, but I did actually think they really were the right performers.  They are from the San Fransico area, and the NFL is widely promoting that the game is taking place there. (Well, not to nit-pick, but the San Francisco stadium is actually not in the city. My grumpy old man “Get off my lawn!” rant on teams that are playing in one city,  but are claiming to be playing for another, is for another post.)

Instead, we have Bad Bunny. Most talked-about entertainer Number Two.

Of course, I have no clue who he is.  However, I do feel bad for him.  Not only is he (he/him?) being vilified for this, that, or the other-political view, but he also does not sing live, and he wears a dress.  Heck, people are so mad at him that they are declaiming him as a U.S.  citizen.  Unless, of course, these people are not aware that Puerto Rico is part of the United States.  And if so, oh boy, another topic for another post.  Which I will write while vacationing in Guam to get people REALLY freaked out.

Yes, I have the typical suburban, white dude, “Generation X” POV that our generation is deprived of an artist that represents our specific up-bringing and demographic.  But I will watch the Super Bowl regardless of my demographic being represented music-wise.  And the NFL knows this.  (They probably know my shoe size and what type of guacamole dip I prefer, too.)  Their goal is to get as many people as possible to watch the broadcast.  And, even if it’s only for a few days (or weeks), the NFL can also charge as much as it wants for anything the Super Bowl touches.  From pre-season tickets to concession costs to the Super Bowl winner pajamas that one owns (but dare not mention -- Go Birds!).

 So, my unfulfilled wish that Metallica play the Super Bowl Halftime Show this year isn’t a let-down for the obvious reasons. I think, in many ways, the Metal Lords are exactly what the country needs right now. And my reasons are three-fold.

Wait! You’re telling me that we need ear-bleeding guitar riffs and vocal roars? Well, partly, yes. Let’s take each reason step-by-step.

First, the band members themselves:  The two founders of the band, James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich – let’s start with them. 

James had a childhood so utterly U.S.A.  He comes from a lower middle-class, traditional, American family with typical dysfunctional dynamics.  Substances issues, particularly alcohol. Even his religious Christian Scientist upbringing is pure Americana. 

Then there’s Lars.  While he isn’t exactly the posterchild for the pro- and anti-immigration protests that we see on the cable news and “info-tainment” networks, he is, indeed, an immigrant.  Not like when I say that “my grandparents came to the U.S. from another country 75 years ago” immigrant; Lars actually did it. First gen. 

You may say, Well, sure, but Metallica (and their music) are politically and culturally stereotypical of the sound and background of people heavily-leaning to one side of the spectrum.  If anything, that Metallica has and will cause larger divisions. That they’re polarizing.

Hold the phone, friends. 

Let’s not forget the other band members.  Roberto Trujillo and Kirk Hammitt.  Not only are they bi-lingual, but they’re Hispanic, too.  Hispanics born and raised in the land of milk and honey.  (And Margitas and Tex Mex.)

Second Reason: Metallica not only sells millions of albums worldwide, but they also sell out football (or futbol) stadiums globally.  In fact, the two biggest international tours by American artists in this decade are Metallica and Taylor Swift.

Final Reason for why Metallica should perform at the Super Bowl Halftime Show this year?  The times we live in are, to put it mildly, very tense.  It doesn’t matter where you stand on an issue, any issue. Emotion in our current domestic political climate (as Spinal Tap’s Nigel would say) “Goes to 11”.  If our pent-up emotions aren’t expelled in a productive way, they might blow up in potential violence. And we’ve all had enough of that.

What I am suggesting is that all of us, every single one of us – Democrat,  Republican, Swiftie, Headbanger – we need to get together for just half an hour, at the Super Bowl Halftime Show, and let our frustrations out in the timeless, and ostensibly useless, arena of a Metallica mosh pit.

It might just be the very safe, very satisfying, physical and emotional release we all need right now.